Stranded - Part 1

I've said it before and I'll say it again - there will be swearing and, later in the story, explicit sexy times. Just so we're clear on this one.
Also, I don't live in the US or even have a clear idea where this is supposed to play out, so I don't use town names. I do 911, though, because everyone know what 911 is. 112? No one? Exactly, that's why I use 911. Like people are going to read this and wonder ^^ 

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Goddammit, stranded in the middle of fucking nowhere. In the dark. And it's snowing. Excellent. Fucking fantastic.
I get inside my car again, just staring straight ahead. What now? Sit and wait for help or try to find a house?
Right, straying from ones car in the middle of the night in ominous circumstances. That's totally not the way to be killed by mutants with bad breath and a penance for killing things with breasts.
I sigh heavily. One more hour, tops, and I would have been able to lie down in a warm bed, sleeping all my sorrows away. Instead, I'm thinking about where I'd rather freeze to death - in my car or in the woods. If the mutants don't get to me first, I mean. I try the car again, because you never know - Lady Fortuna might give me a break for once. It doesn't even sputter, not one single sound except for the click of the key in the ignition.
Fucking. Fabulous.It's not enough that I had to drive here in the middle of the night because someone couldn't be bothered to let me get off from my last day of work on a decent hour. Or that, when I came home, the movers had already emptied my apartment, so I couldn't even have a steaming mug of tea, because of course I had to be thorough and pack every single item I owned. Except my handbag, of course. Or, when I were to leave - 3.5 minutes after I parked my car by the curb - I'd gotten a fucking parking ticket. No, no. It had to start snowing. And then the car had to magically suck all the diesel out to the magical forest or whatever happened, because it sure as hell shouldn't just sputter and cough like an old lady with a bad smoking habit and then die for no discernible reason. A good thirty minutes from any town. By car. In normal weather. Walking that length would neither be achievable or recommended.
I sigh again, loudly - you can be as dramatic as you like when no one can see you - and bang my head against the steering wheel. Which hurts my forehead. Ow. Then I sag back against my seat. Okay, assess the damages.
Cons: I'm in a car that won't start - if it could at least start, I could keep warm - in the middle of the road, in the middle of nowhere, in the dark, in the cradle of a snowstorm. Possible mutants in the woods.
Pros: My clothes are dry and warm. I've got thick gloves and a cozy hat. I got a torchlight. I got chocolate. Probably more elk and deer in the woods than mutants.
Maybe mutated elk and deer. Or mountain lions. Are there mountain lions in this area? At least bears are asleep in the winter. Right? I should google that.
Google! My phone! Jesus fucking Christ, why didn't I think of my phone the moment the car stalled? I slap my forehead. Still sore, ow. Then I lean across to the back seat to retrieve my bag. Fishing up my phone, I woop as I see it still got battery. I dial emergency - this has to be labeled as an emergency. It rings.
"911, what's your emergency", a placid voice answers.
"Hello! Hi! My name is Nina and I'm stranded in my car between (this town and that town)."
"Are you in any..." And the call disconnects. I look at my phone. Riiiight... That's why I don't use my phone when it's cold. It's not a big fan of cold. It's actually deadly allergic to cold.
"Fucking fuck!" I throw it in the passenger seat. Useless piece of shit technology. But mostly I'm pissed at myself, for being too cheap to buy a new one. Feeling the panic start to rise, I take a deep breath to calm myself. They heard where I was before the call disconnected. They should be on their way. Any minute now.

Three hours later, according to my wristwatch, I'm a shivering mess. Cars are not warm and cozy when they lack those luxurious things, like heating. I've managed to don all the clothes in my bag, but I'm still nowhere near warm enough.
I watch the road again. I did put up triangles after the phone call, but they're not visible anymore. The car is getting alarmingly covered, as well - I've already brushed of the windshield a couple of times. Fuck. No car at all has passed in the time I've stood here. Now it's near to three in the morning and I'm both freezing and sleep deprived. Fuck it. I need to move. I'd rather freeze to death while doing something than sitting idly in my car, waiting for no one. If I believed I'd make it to the morning, I would probably stay inside until a snowplow came through. But I don't think I will make it to the morning if I sit still. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. I grab my dead phone and the two torches I have in the glove box. Steeling myself for the shower of snow, I open the door. Luckily, I've learned from the first time of snow down my neck and have the hood up now. Closing the door as soon as I'm out - I could still get it towed and fixed. Hopefully. If I'm not dead. Panic tries to claw at me again - I'm probably dead before the morning. But I battle it down. It's no use panicking, no one's saving my sorry ass. Squaring my shoulders, getting snow in my eyes in the process, I click on the first torch and start walking along the road.

Writing is loving, right?

I'm going to try something different for a while. It won't be regular updates, but as many as I can manage. As lots of bookworms around the globe, I'm a wannabe-writer. Yes, yes, the shock of the moment is barely containable, but you'll live. And even though my last two posts have been blegh with a dose of blugh, I want this blog to me my little go-to-place for every mood. So, I'm going to publish some of my writing here.

Here's the deal:

• The texts aren't written by a professional - I'm about as far from one as you can get.
• I'll do a fast edit before publishing, but I'm also lazy, so there may be typos or grammatical errors.
• English is not my first language, but since I read mostly in English, I tend to write in it, as well. Still, you will most definitely notice how much my texts lack and I'm always grateful for critic, as long as you're nice about it. 
• I'm doing this for fun
• I write mostly romantic stories
• And not thinking I'm the bomb
• No one's going to read it, anyway
• It's just a place to put my text
• And now I'm out in the fields
• Veering back
• Hello, thanks for reading, I'll wrap up this list now
• There will be explicit language and sexy times in these stories
• Just you wait

Yep, so stay tuned, buckle up, hold on to your horses and all other weird sayings I apparently don't get - I'll be back for some story time!

/ Denise

When stuff's just bad

Why is it so hard to just let things go? To lighten up, be carefree and take responsibilities?
Right now, I should be studying. I'm way behind and what am I doing instead? Scrolling on my phone, listening to an audiobook, writing here. I am the absolute worst. I've got three months left of school and I don't know if I can do it. I don't even know if I can work anymore. I don't know if I can do this at all, anymore. Not in the sense that I don't want to live anymore, just, like... I need to change something. Drastically.

It's not as if I don't like my life. I love my life and I'm so blessed to have a good job, roof over my head, a good husband, great kids. Nothing of that is remotely wrong. So why don't I feel good about it? The problem has to be me. I don't like myself. In fact, I'm probably the least favorite person I know. My husband gets furious when I talk like this, but what he doesn't understand is that I'm serious. I'm not looking for attention, I'm looking for confirmation. I know that I'm worthless at basically everything. Sure, I can do ordinary stuff, like keep the kids fed with not-particularly-nutritious food, clean the house, do my work without getting fired - you know, things that people without any sort of diagnose or disease or other things in life that hinders them, should be able to do. I don't do it well, but I don't have anything that's keeping me from doing it. So, yes, I can keep myself and my kids alive while bringing in money. But then, there are all the other stuff. My brain shuts down and I can't think. I should be studying right now, like I said. But when I start to read the material I should, my thoughts drift, my eyes grow heavy and when I manage to read the words, I just feel so goddamn stupid. Aren't I supposed to be the smart one here? Weren't I smart once? I swear I was. But, I guess my glory years was in my teens, like every other sad sack out there.

Okay, sorry, I'm rambling. Is this therapeutic? I don't know. Sometimes I guess it's just nice to get it out of the system. Like when I'm having a bad day, like today.

Why is this a bad day? It's been a long week and a longer weekend before this glorious Monday. I've had a bunch of people around me for far too long. It doesn't matter that they're my relatives, some days even my family is too much for me to bear. And I hate it! I should be able to spend a couple of days away in a big city, drinking some wine, eating good food, enjoying myself in the company of others - but no, the day after we get home, I'm a complete mess and have no energy left. I should be able to have my relatives over for a couple of nights, spending time with them and my own family - but no, the same day as they leave, I wake up with a huge headache that won't go away and today (the day after) I'm having trouble not breaking down into tears.

To top it all of, my body hurts like the devil. As in, my entire body. Why? Because I'm too much of a effing mess to keep myself healthy, which I need to do for my mind to be healthy, so I spiral even more down the drain.

Sorry, rambling again. Anyway, I really don't have time for this. Think, how easy it is to write a billion word essay on self-pity, but so freaking impossible when it comes to the subject of my paper.

I'm probably going to regret this post in an hour or so.

Take care,
Denise

Anxiety is a bitch, I tell you

Hey, all!

It's been awhile since my last post. Mostly because I don't have the time to sit down and write a long blog post, but also because I've lacked the energy and will to do it. Not sure why I want to write now, but I felt the urge as a thought hit me.

Ever heard of anxiety? Yeah, you most definitely have and you maybe even suffer from it at times.
I didn't think I did until I got diagnosed with fatigue syndrome with a touch of depression after my youngest child was born. Her first year was insane and I basically lived one hour at the time, dreading and yearning for bedtime. She slept really badly and was a child that needed lots of closeness and comfort. I'm not a closeness kind of gal. I need space and during stress I tend to be even less inclined to touch or talk to anyone. Pair that with being a mom of two and a wife and things clash. It's been about three years since my "diagnose" (sounds weird) and I'm still not good. I'm better, but as soon as life starts to get stressful, I'm right back, veering towards the bottom. I, unfortunately, take it out on my family by being prickly and angry and rude. Which makes me more stressed out and more anxious and therefore more prickly and angry and rude. Funny how that works, right?

Anyway, I've been having a stressful couple of months and I'm there, teetering at the edge of the ravine. I'm trying to calm myself, take care of myself. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
One good thing about these last few years is that I've made some retrospect thinking.

Was I always like this or have it come with the exhaustion?

I don't know? I mean, I've always had super low self-esteem, but I can't really remember if anxiety has hit me like this. I got anxious and worried, of course, but not like now. I do think it has to do with my low self-esteem, paired with my fear of being bad at something, that wraps themselves up in a neat little mix to explode into anxiety. I'll talk about that in another post, I just typed it out and it got way too long for this one.
My anxiety is pretty mild. Not to me, of course, but in comparison to others. I generally don't break down and cry, I have hyperventilated maybe thrice in my life and I don't exactly close off from the world. I just get very stuck in my head, have problems concentrating and just feel bad. I'm very, very mean to myself. I mean, I wouldn't even be that awful to my worst enemy. Every time I get into the "foggy place" (that's what it feels like to me) I tell myself to suck it up, I'm worthless and useless and, here's the best part, because it's one of my sorest spots, I'm the absolute worst mom on the planet and my kids will be scarred for life by living with me.

So yeah... I'm a real treat to be with, as you can tell. (Humor is the best defense/deflection, I've been taught, ha).

How do I deal with anxiety? I don't, generally. I stick my head in the sand and wait for it to pass on it's own. But, that is not a recommended method. I've started trying to, if not think positive thoughts, at least not focus on the negative ones. Being my own worst enemy also means I'm the only one to get myself to back the hell off. It's not much, but it's a start. I also try to think about what causes my anxiety and discuss with my husband (and my bestie) what I could do differently. That's a big one, though, and it can feel terrifying and impossible. But, sometimes, just talking about it helps. Also, being alone with a good book and Netflix is good medicine for me.

Take care and thanks for reading my rambling!

/ Denise

Graphic novels from Netgalley

I though I'd do a collective post of a few graphic novels I've had the opportunity to read from Netgalley. Here they are:

Little Mama by Halim Mahmouidi.
Publication date: 10 September 2019

This one I felt right in the heart. With it's dark and sometimes telling artwork this book shows a little girl growing up in an abusive home, neglected and punished and still trying to look after her family. I read it in one sitting, with my heart in my throat most of the time. Most horrible was it to see how the social services apparently wouldn't or couldn't do anything to help the poor child and I think about all the children in the world, probably in my own city, never getting the help they need.

The story is told through flashbacks during Brenda's, Little mama, sessions with a psychologist. I think the way her maturing was portrayed was strong and moving.

Needless to say, this book made thoughts spin and I think it ended just as it should - openly and honestly. This isn't a book to read if you don't want anything intense and raw. There are explicit pictures of violence and child
 abuse that you should be aware of.  It's not only talked of.

A fantastic book, really!

The Avant-Guards by Carly Usdin & Noah Hayes
Publication date: 3 September 2019

There’s really not much to say about this one except for I loved it. It has what I’m after in a graphic novel - interesting characters, great art work, a story I can get into and not to much text to have to read to be able to follow it. I think the story might move a little bit fast, though - there’s not many days that’s passing, right? Still, an easy read, lots of smiles, LGBTQ rep and a chance to learn some basketball.

The Tea Dragon Festival by Katie O'Neill

Publication date 17 September 2019

How adorable is this? I haven't read The Tea Dragon Society, but I didn't feel like it mattered that much. The artwork is adorable and charming and the story is filled with all sorts of creatures and magic and everyday life. I adored this read. It's sweet with a touch of fierceness and a bunch of diversity, which I love! The story itself is easy to read and even though nothing much happens, it's still interesting to follow how the dragon fell asleep for 80 years and get to know the characters.The important part is community, friendship and love. And cute, awful pets in form of tea dragons! This is for the ones who're looking for charming artwork, a unique, magical world and a diverse set of characters.

Thank you Netgalley and all the publishers for letting me have the opportunity to read this! The thoughts here are entirely my own reactions to reading the books and I loved them all.

/ Denise

Warrior of the Wild by Tricia Levenseller

Author: Tricia Levenseller
Title: Warrior of the Wild
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends
Published: 2019
Genre: YA Fantasy/Fantasy

Links: Bokus / Adlibris / Goodreads

This is the perfect standalone book. It has a great start that sucks you right in, a fantastic world building that doesn't make you yawn and skip paragraphs, characters with more depth that striking blue eyes and dimples and beasts. Beasts, guys! I haven't even realized that I have a thing for fantasy books that involve beasts. Bad one, good ones, smart ones, stupid ones. I love the all, apparently! And this book has a bunch. I also has a cruel god, secluded villages and old fashioned rules that banishes anyone who doesn't fit the bill. Kind of. Read it, you'll see.

Okay, so I've told you what I like about this book. Let me tell you a bit more. I loved how Rasmira grows during the entire book. Sure, this could have been a duology to make the development take som more time, but she is cast out in to the wilderness and hellbent on surviving. A little growing up and learning by your mistakes is vital. I also loved both Soren and Iric, even though Iric is a bit petty and Soren is loyal to a fault. Take care of yourself, dude! Oh, and the way Levenseller writes. Yes! Her characters feels strong and the conversations lights up the story. As a feminist, seeing a female warrior battle between being a warrior and a woman is frustrating and I appreciate how Levenseller spun it.

What could have been better..? Honestly? I don't know, really. I mean, it's still YA. It has the same basic cornerstones, boys are still important. It's a bit strange that love and attraction is even in the picture when you've been betrayed and banished from your village, but I love me some good romance and this was done good. Without shame, with sound minds, so to speak. I saw someone complaining about the heroine being just another YA-heroine and I'm like, yeah? She is, because we're reading a YA novel. Just like one's reading another romance, thriller, mystery, feelgood. Things will repeat themselves, molds will be reused. That said, I really thought Rasmina was her own character and had her own charm. 

I won't babble more about this, except to say that I recommend this if you want to read a great YA fantasy novel with a kickass female protagonist, beasts galore, self-discovery and teamwork.

That will be all, thank you.

5 of 5 battle axes

/ Denise

Fix Her Up by Tessa Bailey

Author: Tessa Bailey
Title: Fix Her Up
Series: Hot & Hammered #1
Publisher: Avon
Published: 2019
Genre: Contemporary romance

Links: Book Depository / Bokus / Adlibris / Goodreads

Okay, where to start with this one. Hm... Let's start with what I liked. I loved Georgie and at moments I also liked Travis, especially when he defended her. I did not see the complete point with the "fix up", but I felt like it was made for her sake and not anyone else (no matter how much she wanted Travis to see her) so that's a good thing. I love her being a clown, of all things. I don't think I've ever read about clowns in romance before..? It awesome, in any case!
The love Georgie has for her family is also lovely to read, even though I hated Stephen (Steven? Damn audiobooks), because he was frankly a misogynist dick. (Who the hell comes to fetch his wife just because she wasn't home when he came out of the shower? Really?)
Bailey is also great at writing funny conversations and banter and I found myself laughing and chuckling throughout the book. It also has steam. A lot of steam.

What troubled me with the book was multiple things. For one, I didn't feel it for Travis. Shitty childhood, sure, but that wasn't enough for me to feel anything for him. For another, like I read in another review, there's so many tropes going on that it's hard to make it all connect. I would have been happy with maybe two connecting, but there's a lot going on. 
Also the sappiness. I can handle a bit of sapp, but this is just too much. The book got boring about halfway through and it never really recovered. Sometimes it felt like the book didn't even have a plot, just a whole lot of pining and sappiness..? I don't know, it didn't really work for me, is all. And I hate, absolutely hate, the endearment "baby girl". That's what you call a child, not a grown ass woman (who hates being treated as a child?!) and especially during sexy times. I mean, come on. Do you want her to call you Daddy at the same time? Yuck. Sorry, I just hate it and it bothered me during the entire book.

So, this is a cute but steamy book with questionable sappiness and my entire rating goes to Georgie and her girls, basically.

2.5 of 5 cheese plates

/ Denise

The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren

Author: Christina Lauren
Title: The Unhoneymooners
Publisher: Gallery books
Published: 2019
Genre: Contemporary romance

Links: Book Depository / Bokus / Goodreads

So, the biggest question is, why am I not reading Christina Lauren books all the time? I've read four of them so far and with the exception of My Favorite Half-Night Stand (which I only liked), I loved them so much and had such a great time reading them. So why do I hesitate before I pick up the next one? Maybe I scared of it not being great, who knows. Anyway, we're all here for my awesome reactions to books I've read, so you're going to get one!

It's a really wacky idea, isn't it? Writing about two people who hate each other, going on a honeymoon because the entire wedding except them became vomiting wrecks. But it works. I read in a review that Olive and Ethan reminds them om Hazel and Josh. And I see the point, but I don't see the issue. I loved Hazel and Josh, so why wouldn't I want to read about such characterization again? I think authors are allowed to draw from their past characters now and again.

What did I like about this, then? As in any Christina Lauren books, the banter is my favorite. But I also loved the connection between Olive and Ethan. Even when they dislike each other, they're actually quite caring. This book is also unapologetically cute. I mean, it has a cute drunk Ethan scene and a really awkward bathroom scene. And the little comments he makes about her always looking nice and stuff. Need I say more? Nope, cuteness achieved.

If I have to pick something not to like, it's probably the ending. Ethan was being a complete asshole about a certain thing (this could have been handled differently and felt kind of like "Shit, we need a problem, let's just invent a reason and a totally weird reaction to it". Because we also don't really get an explanation for his strange protectiveness, do we? Seriously, do we? I have no idea) and the ending felt a bit... Unresolved.

Buuuut, I recommend this to anyone who loved contemporary romance and wants it quirky, cute with a sprinkle of banter.

4 of 5 non-buffet dinners

/ Denise

Sapphire Flames by Ilona Andrews

Author: Ilona Andrews
Title: Sapphire Flames
Series: Hidden Legacy #4
Publisher: Avon
Published: 2019
Genre: Fantasy/Paranormal romance

Links: Book Depository / Bokus / Goodreads

After having read and loved the other books of the Hidden Legacy-series, I was so excited to hear about Sapphire Flames. Getting the chance to read an ARC of this book was so great. Thank you Avon and Edelweiss+! (What is up with the flames on Catalina's hands, though? She should have wings!)

Sapphire Flames will be published on August 19 2019!

The first three books is about Nevada, the breadwinner of the Baylor family. This book is about one of her sisters, Catalina, who is a now a Prime (super awesome and strong magic person) and the head of the Baylor house. Not the easiest job in the world, keeping your family safe while also trying to run a business. Cue murdered people and the will to help a friend in need. Too bad the smoking hot Alessandro, who she's had crush on for ages, turns up at the most inconvenient times and is apparently not at all who he seems to be on his social media (shocker!). Oh, there's also bad people who wants to kill everyone and warped magic users and who even climbs in through someone's window?!

I loved this. Loved with big heart eyes and lots of feels. I loved reading about Catalina and how she had changed from the shy teenager who where scared to use her powers, to the strong, confident (fake it til you make it, right?) and badass woman she always have been. The whole world the Ilona Andrews has built up is also still amazing, even though I would have loved to dive in a bit more there - it's such a good start for the rest of the books (can they come now, please?). The glimpses of the different Alessandros are also fun and intriguing and I am eagerly awaiting the development of both the characters and their relationship. 
Also, I want to know more about Runa and Bern...?

The story in all was good - I like the mystery part of it and how pieces come together. Somethings are a bit out there on how they find things out, but the authors are really great at describing how the process works without boring us to death. The "endbattle" is so good, but the ending a bit anticlimactic.

Anyway, I highly recommend reading the first three books and the novella before diving into this beauty. You'll have a lot more flesh to the bones, so to speak and a deeper understanding for the world that surrounds the story - which is a huge part of it, so it's a shame to miss it. You also shouldn't miss Nevada and Mad Rogan, obviously.

5 of 5 wings

/ Denise

Meet Cute by Helena Hunter

Author: Helena Hunter
Title: Meet Cute
Publisher: Forever
Published: 2019
Genre: Contemporary romance

Links: Book Depository / Bokus / Goodreads

Oh, how I've missed reading romance. It's been a lot of fantasy and sci-fi for me lately, so now I felt like a pure romantic book. And I must say I choose good. This was a breeze to read, even if it made my heart squeeze multiple times.

Dax loses his parents and gets custody of his 13-year old sister. Kailyn is the lawyer responsible for the sister’s trust and becomes conservator for her, as well, when their aunt sues for custody. It’s just that Kailyn and Dax had a thing for each other in college and did not end on the best of terms. And starting anything now isn’t exactly the ideal situation.

What I liked about this book was the characters, I guess. The relationships between them and the way they handled the situations they were put in. Emme is probably the one a rooted most for, because she was a sweetie. I don't know if she was written accurately, though. Sometimes, she did not read like a thirteen-year-old - either younger or older. Still, she made my mommy-heart ache at times. I also liked Dax and to see his struggles as he tries to make a good life for his sister and himself.

I also liked how Dax and Kaylin were with each other. Their relationship is really two adults falling in love. There's some difficulties, considering the tragic loss, custody battle and the fact that Emme is Kailyn's client. Still, they always respect each other. And I actually really like reading stories where the woman makes the mistakes and has to make amends and be forgiven. As long as it’s not something totally unforgivable, which I don’t love not matter the gender.

Anyway, I’ve ranted about how much I dislike it when characters doesn’t communicate and don’t tell each other stuff because “reasons”. Well, this kind of toes the line. It's a kind of ridiculous "issue" that makes Dax mad, but I guess it could be taken out of proportion if you're under a lot of stress. I just don't see why Kailyn wasn't honest from the beginning, but I guess it is what it is. 

I recommend this to everyone who wants to read a sweet contemporary romance with two consenting adults, a brother protecting his young sister and a woman falling in love with them both in different ways, with a touch of depth and lawyers.

4 of 5 milkshakes

/ Denise

Ödesgudinnans val av Caroline Hurtig

Författare: Caroline Hurtig
Titel: Ödesgudinnans val
Serie: Själarnas Öden #1
Förlag: Seraf förlag
Genre: Fantasy
Länkar: Bokus | Adlibris | Goodreads

Okej, kan vi bara försöka få mig att sluta läsa första boken av serier? Det finns ju en chans att boken är bra och att jag behöver fortsätta läsa serien och jag har inte tiiiiid med fler serier! Suck.. Vilka problem jag lider av.

Som ni kanske listat ut gillade jag Ödesgudinnans val en hel del. Jag läste inte första utgåvan av den, så jag kan inte säga vad som ändrats och hur det har påverkat storyn, men det kvittar. För mig är det en helt ny bok och jag är väldigt tacksam för att jag har fått läsa den!

Boken är centrerad runt en värld, en dimension, där ödesgudinnor lever tillsammans med andra varelser - svartänglar, troll, hybrider, demoner - och väver, förutser och vägleder alla varelsers öden. En av gudinnorna, Aria, ser förälskelse och kärlek och efter att hon träffar svartängeln Kol börjar känslorna spira. Känslor som visar sig rubba balansen i världen och ett krig bryter ut. Kan hon återställa balansen och fortfarande ha kvar sin kärlek?

Det jag gillar med boken är den fantastiska värld som byggts upp. En värld jag gärna lär känna mer. Intrigen som utspelar sig är något komplex och ibland förstår jag inte besluten som våra hjältar tar. Den spirande romansen mellan Kol och Aria är härlig och hjärtevärmande och detta är egentligen inte den typiska berättelsen om en förbjuden kärlek. Det är inte två motsatta sidor som faller för varandra, utan bara två personer vars kärlek komplicerar saker och ting. I detta fall, balansen i dimensionerna, i själarnas öden. De andra karaktärerna får ta plats och utvecklas allteftersom storyn fortsätter, vilket jag uppskattar. Det är så tråkigt när fokus endast ligger på huvudkaraktärerna och bikaraktärerna endast finns där som utfyllnad. Men, jag vill inte säga så mycket mer om boken och dess karaktärer, då det är risk för spoilers. Det jag kan säga är att det är en viss demon som jag skulle vilja se mer av.

Är ni ute efter en svensk fantasy - för visst är det något visst med just svensk fantasy? Miljöbyggandet, det unika i storyn och charmen med det hela? - med en ny, unik värld full av kända och okända arter, kärlek och frågor om att följa sitt öde och att strida för det man älskar? Kryp då ner under en varm filt med en kopp te - eller varför inte solstolen med en läskande drink - och slå upp denna pärla. Bered dig på kärlek, ledsamheter, maktspel och ödets nycker.

4 av 5 hustomtar

/ Denise

Kingdom of Exiles by Maxym M. Martineau

Author: Maxym M. Martineau
Title: Kingdom of Exiles
Series: The Beast Charmer #1
Publisher: Sourcebooks Casablanca
Genre: Fantasy/Paranormal romance

Links: Book Depository / Bokus / Goodreads

I got the chance to read an ARC of this book and I finished it a while ago, but completely forgot to review it. Great of me, right? Well, I'm getting to it now, okay?

Kingdom of Exiles were all I hoped it would be. A completely new story, with new creatures and characters. I've read of animal mages and watched Pokémon, but the way Charmers work is for me unique. The guild of again risen assassins isn't something I read about every day, either.

In this book, there's a lot of descriptions of the environment, but the story also goes deep inside the characters' feelings and thoughts. Leena and Noc are two people with very different backgrounds of abuse and defeat, but still have a heart that longs for closeness and love. None of them trusts that longing, though.

The overall intrigue, of someone wanting to kill Leena, a Charmer who's been falsely accused of a hideous crime and exiled from her beloved home country and who's now selling her beasts to survive, is slowly weaving between the growing attraction and friendship between her and the assassins. I love a good story that focuses on the characters and Martineau is splendid at writing the different characters that grace us with their presence - I loved all the assassins and Leena and their personalities more than shone through. Noc is a total softie even if he tries to deny it and Leena is caring, thoughtful and kick-ass in all the right ways.

It's fun, it's sweet, it's dark, it's dangerous. And the sexual tension, which is there for a good reason even though it's a bit insta-lovey, lets us all sigh happily in frustration.

I loved this one.

4 of 5 charms

/ Denise

Födelsemärket av Gabriella P. Kjeilen

Författare: Gabriella P. Kjeilen
Titel: Födelsemärket
Serie: Mellody Looh #1
Förlag: Seraf förlag
Genre: Fantasy/Sci-fi
Länkar: Bokus | Adlibris | Goodreads

Jag fick möjligheten av förlaget och författaren att läsa den nya utgåvan av Födelsemärket, första boken om Mellody Looh. Vilket jag är väldigt tacksam för! Jag har sneglat på den första utgåvan på jobbet några gånger och funderat på att läsa den, men har aldrig riktigt kommit till skott, av någon anledning. Jag är också otroligt svag för ett snyggt omslag, så jag ska vara ärlig: det nya omslaget fick mig lite att kasta mig över boken. Hur snyggt är det inte? Även baksidan och själva kapiteldesignen är perfekta.

I alla fall, över till vad boken handlar om och vad jag tyckte? Jag har många känslor och tankar om denna bok, okej?

Vi träffar Erika i människornas värld, där hon går omkring med känslan av att inte riktigt passa in. Saker händer med henne, fysiskt och mentalt, som hon varken kan kontrollera eller förklara. Så får hon veta att hon egentligen är från en planet där det bor en mängd magiska väsen som vi endast mött i sagornas värld,  en kungadotter vid namn Mellody, och hela hennes världsbild ställs på ända. Hon tvingas tillbaka till ett liv av intriger, människor och händelser hon knappt minns och snart dras hon in i samma problem som fick henne utvisad till att börja med. Kampen, valet, mellan det ljusa och det mörka är kanske inte så svartvit som man kan tro.

Jag ska vara ärlig, igen - för det ska man ju, har jag hört. Även om jag snabbt sögs in i boken och Mellodys liv fanns det passager som stundtals fick mitt intresse att sina. Det kom plötsligt fokus på utseende och saker, vilket irriterade mig och en passage där några män höll på att våldföra sig på en kvinna fick inte så stort fokus som jag hade hoppats. Alltså, det fick det i den passagen, men inte i resten av boken. Sedan gick det långa stycken där jag egentligen inte såg hur de passade in, för att saker sedan skulle gå väldigt snabbt (Mellody var sjukt accepterande för vissa saker som en annan hade sprungit skrikande ifrån och det var sjukt mycket svängande känslor).

Men! Det finns ett stort men i detta svamlande. Jag älskade också världen som Kjeilen har skapat. Den känns i sig unik och med stor potential att bli fantastisk. De varelser som hon vävt fram, tillsammans med deras krafter, tillsammans med miljöskildringarna gör berättelsen mer än väl värd att läsa. Det är ett stort fokus på karaktärerna, deras känslor, tankar och reaktioner, men det finns också en underliggande intrig som vi måste ha ett öga på så att den inte smiter iväg ifrån oss. Jag gillade också hur hon inte var rädd för att göra de mörka onda, men komplexa. Jag menar, Triton - Mellodys älskare, och hans syster suger blod från små föräldralösa barn! Det är ondska, om något. Ändå får vi se andra sidor av Triton, fina sidor som han själv knappt förstod och kanske inte gillade jättemycket. Jag gillade bikaraktärerna mer än huvudkaraktärer, då Mellody i början en ganska enkel person och jag kan störa mig mig på hennes beslut och reaktioner - lyssnar inte, sätter killen före familjen, rebell, osv. - men det är vad som senare gör henne mer mångfacetterad. Hon har krafter i sig som gör det svårt att se vad som är rätt och vad som är fel och att kastas tillbaka till en värld hon knappt minns gör det hela mer förvirrande.

Alltså, jag och recensioner, vi går inte ihop ^^ Vi vet alla vid det här laget att det är mer reaktion än recension. Det jag vill ha sagt är att jag rekommenderar denna bok till alla som vill läsa om familjer, intriger, kraftfulla kick-ass kvinnor och en ny tappning på varelser vi alla egentligen tror lever bland oss (erkänn nu). Denna bok kittlar fantasin, får dig att undra och håller dig på tårna till slutet och självklart lämnar dig väntande på fortsättningen. Detta är en ungdomsbok, men vad beredda på våld, blod och sex. 

4 av 5 blåögda tigrar

/ Denise

Shrill Dusk by Helen Harper

Author: Helen Harper
Title: Shrill Dusk
Series: City of Magic
Publisher: Tantor Audio
Genre: Urban Fantasy

Links: Book Depository / Adlibris / Goodreads

I read Harper's Slouch Witch, or The Lazy Girl's Guide to Magic-series, and liked it a lot. This was nothing like it and still I felt the same way when I read it. Calm, entertained and intrigued. 

Charley is just a totally normal professional gambler, trying to suppress some awful memories from her teen years. Life is okay, she's making the money, have a good friend and a decent house. Except stuff's happening. Like rats invading the streets and fireballs raining from the sky. Oh, and her friend turning fluffy. What the what is happening? Things do not get better when a Scottish werewolf shows up on her doorstep.

Freaky, right? I really liked this one. Magic is in overload in Manchester and even when the threat of imminent death is out of the picture, it's still infected by it. People need to leave town. Not everyone does, obviously. I loved how optimistic Charley is in all this - she is a bit freaked out (getting to know about werewolves, vampires, faeries and magic all in one day can do that to a person) but totally deals with it. She wants to help everyone and tries to, except the broody, brutish werewolf does not agree with her samaritan side.

Of course this has it's issues - all books do. But it's a fun and easy read. It's a clever story and the characters are gold. The second book is also really good, but I definitely liked this one better.

4 of 5 blue lightnings

/ Denise

Aurora Rising by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff

Author: Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff
Title: Aurora Rising
Series: The Aurora Cycle
Publisher: Rock the Boat
Genre: Science fiction

Links: Bokus / Adlibris / Goodreads

You guuuuyyys! I am so effing pleased with this book. It's such a good start and it leaves me wanting more and more and more. Okay, so I've not read Illuminae - that will most definitely change in a near future - so I have nothing to compare this to. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe it doesn't matter. Anyway, long story way short - I loved this. (Also, my book is an Illumicrate-edition and it's a super sweet pink color, with pink sprayed edges. It's so pretty and cool).

Okay, long story long - I'm going to make a list of all the things I loved:

• THE SQUAD! I mean, come on. It's a crew. A team. A squad. Friends. 
• Like, everyone in the squad, because the authors really managed to make all of them unique. Even Zila, who basically says nothing. They all even manage to grow and develop some during the storyline.
• The alternate POV:s - I know, right? It was really great to see what all of them were thinking and let us get to know them on a different level. I also felt it give the story more dynamic?
• Finian - yes, he needs to get his own bullet point, he's so great and sweet and weird. 
• The world - yes! I need to know more about the planets, about the government, about the virus, about the everything. I love it when I get sucked in to a world and don't get bored with the descriptions - extra super points for that one.
• The story and background story. This is a good thing, I know - it would be awkward if I didn't like what's going on, right?
• Basically the entire book, writing and everything.

Well, that was overly positive. Let me make you a bit more comfortable with adding some stuff that could have been done differently:

• Okay, so you guys just risk your lives for a girl you met (and haven't met) a day ago? It all goes kind of fast, but I guess Tyler's sense of duty is the explanation for this.
• Where's the actual queer rep? One character is queer, out of a bunch and it does seem like a pretty straight book..? It's set in space, with multiple species canoodling with each other, in the freaking future and it's still mostly girl meets boy? Is this a thing we're doing now? Anyway, I'm hoping to see more of non-binary and other queer characters as the series continues.
• The alternate POV:s - yes, I know, I just put this on the wow-list, but even though it was great, it was also a bit confusing. I also wished some chapters were from other's views, but we can't have everything, I guess.

Yeah, that was that. Now, if you'll excuse, I'll go wait agonizingly for the next installment....

5 of 5 freaky eyes

/ Denise

Återfunnen av Annah Nozlin

Författare: Annah Nozlin
Titel: Återfunnen
Förlag: Seraf förlag
Genre: Fantasy
Länkar: Bokus | Adlibris | Goodreads


Okej, för det första så fick jag chansen att läsa Återfunnen några dagar innan den släpptes, men jag har inte haft tid att recensera den förrän nu. Tack så mycket för chansen! Nu till mina tankar om denna bok!

Återfunnen cirkulerar runt Gabriella, Ella, vars farmor just dött, precis innan hon skulle berätta en hemlighet. Konstiga människor verkar dyka upp runt henne och hon vet inte riktigt vad hon ska tänka eller tro. Farmoderns syster kontaktar henne och berättar dom mest konstiga saker om livsöden och fraktioner, vilket gör henne ännu mer förvirrad. Vad ska hon tro på? Och vad vill dessa människor henne? Samtidigt spirar känslorna för en nära vän, som hon definitivt inte vill förlora, oavsett livsöden, mörkt och ljust, gott och ont. Parallellt med Ellas berättelse får vi också följa Karin, genom hennes dagbok som Ella läser, skriven för längesedan.

Vad tyckte jag då? Jag tyckte att denna bok hade potential att bli riktigt bra. Men det faller lite på att det faktiskt inte händer så mycket och det är inte så många dagar det handlar om. Vi blir presenterade för mycket - för Ella, ett fåtal av människorna i hennes liv, för Majvor och för Karin och Peter. Och för Emrik/Erik. Vi får veta om fraktionen, men det tar ett tag innan jag får riktigt koll på vad detta innebär och vad de faktiskt gör - varför är det så viktigt att hitta sin själsfrände och att fraktionen är hel? Även i slutet är jag inte helt hundra på varför och hur de motar bort De Mörka. I slutet händer det en massa saker, men jag kan ändå inte låta bli att tänka att detta är en början, en presentation för det som komma skall. Jag tror att detta är ett av de få tillfällen då den andra boken skulle bli bättre än den första (om det kommer en andra bok).

Vad gillade jag med boken då? Jag gillade att varje person hade en egen, unik personlighet. Det känns som att Nozlin har lagt ner tid på att göra varje karaktär till sin egen. Jag gillar också dagboksinläggen och slutet gjorde mig ledsen - vilket så klart kanske inte räknas som bra, men poängen är att det fick mig att känna. Och, som sagt, jag gillar potentialen till något mer. Så mycket gömda och hintade möjligheter, som jag verkligen vill veta svaret på! Blir det ett triangeldrama? (Snälla inte). Kommer det vara reversibelt? (Ni vet vad jag menar). Vad kommer hon välja? Och kommer Gustav någonsin kunna laga mat utan att bränna ner något? Är det alltid hans fel eller är det någon annan som jävlas? Ge mig svar!

3.5 av 5 rosor

/ Denise

Stark försvar och Släppa in av Anna Jakobsson Lund

Författare: Anna Jakobsson Lund
Titel: Starkt försvar och Släppa in
Förlag: Hegas förlag
Genre: Ungdomsbok

Länkar: Bokus / Adlibris / Hegas

Jag stod i lånedisken på jobbet och det var en väldigt lugn dag, så jag kollade runt i hyllorna i närheten. Så såg jag Anna Jakobsson Lunds nya lättlästa ungdomsböcker och kände att jag måste testa att läsa den första. Oj, så bra att jag tänkte så!

Böckerna cirkulerar kring Evelyn och Arvid. Evelyn tycker att Arvid är lite väl kaxig och uppmärksamhetstörstande, men så får hon plötsligt se en annan sida av honom. 

Första boken är från Evelyns, en driven, omtänksam person med lite kort stubin, perspektiv och andra boken ser vi utifrån Arvids, kaxig och mjuk, ögon. Båda karaktärerna blir levande på bara några få sidor. Att skriva lättläst utan att det blir för barnsligt eller tunt är inte alltid lätt, men här har Jakobsson Lund lyckats utmärkt! Det är två väldigt fina böcker som fokuserar mycket på relationer. Även kompisrelationerna finns där i bakgrunden och har potential att komma fram - kanske i kommande böcker?

Jag gillar också hur sexet skrivs - det är två personer som gillar varandra och tar hand om varandra och inte en enda gång känns det som att de har någon särskild press på sig att vilja eller inte vilja något. Och hur Släppa in tar upp det svåra med att vara sig själv och inte behöva bevisa för andra att man är den "roliga typen".

Båda två får en massa stjärnor av mig!

/ Denise

Firelight by Kristen Callihan

Author: Kristen Callihan
Title: Firelight
Series: Darkest London
Publisher: Forever
Genre: Fantasy romance

Links: Bokus / Adlibris / Goodreads

Fantasy and paranormal romance is one of my favorite genres. I love the combination of magic, dark or light, and romantic and sexy moments. And one of my favorite heroes is scarred, mysterious ones (well, I do like my chirpy, sassy ones, as well). Aaaand my favorite heroines are also struggling and powerful. So, when I read the synopsis of Firelight, I knew I wanted to read it.

It's about a young woman with the power of fire. Miranda is living with her ruined and not so caring father and prowls the street at night and steal to make a living. Lord Archer encounters her when he's on his way to murder her father for losing his cargo on a ship. A cargo he's been searching for for a long time. But he is instantly drawn to Miranda, only a teenager then and vows to make her his. A few years later they marry and their attraction is undeniable. But both of them are keeping secrets and someone is murdering Archer's long since friends. How old is Archer really, what did he do and why does he hide behind the mask?

Callihan does know how to write sexual tension. It's agonizing at times, but the reward is worth it. I liked their relationship and I liked the mystery and historical part of it all. I did wish to have more of the fantasy element included, though. We get some superhuman strength from Archer, but it isn't until the very end before we get some fire action from our dear heroine. The ending was also a bit anti-climatic, but I did like the awesomeness of Miranda. You go girl.

I do recommend this for anyone wanting to read a historical fantasy romance with high sexual tension, lots of talk about feelings and a mystery involving bad decisions and strange people. I will probably read the sequel, because I'm curious about Ian.

3 of 5 firestarters

/ Denise

Överlevaren av Nora Roberts

Författare: Nora Roberts
Titel: Överlevaren/Shelter in Place
Förlag: Albert Bonniers Förlag
Genre: Deckare/Romantic suspense

Länkar: Bokus / Adlibris / Goodreads


Eftersom jag inte har läst så många av Nora Roberts, fastän det står minst sex olästa böcker av henne i min bokhylla, kan jag inte jämföra denna med hennes tidigare berättelser. Kanske är det därför jag inte känner att den är upprepande, som andra som har läst mycket av henne. 

Denna bok handlar främst om Simone och Reed, som överlever en masskjutning i ett köpcenter när de är i tonåren. Vi får följa dom när de växer upp, väljer vägar i livet, skapar och förstör relationer, finner sig själva. Hela tiden ligger skjutningen i bakgrunden, för allt de gör. Reed blir polis, Simone vänder sig till sin konst. Andra karaktärer som vi får glimtar av är Simones fantastiska hippie-mormor och en annan, mörkare, personlighet. För att även om de som utförde massmordet i köpcentret är döda, betyder det tyvärr inte att den som planerade det hela är klar.

Vad tyckte jag om denna? Jo, jag gillade hur vi fick olika perspektiv, så man behöver inte direkt gissa vad som tänks och tycks, även om det blev något snurrigt ibland. Själva berättelsen var spännande och jag tyckte att berättelsen fick det lilla extra genom att vi fick lära känna mördaren, hur hens hjärna fungerade. Väldigt uppfinningsrika mord får vi möta här. Reed och Simone var två helt okej huvudkaraktärer som, till slut, var säkra på sig själva och stod upp för det de trodde på. Och Simones mormor var precis en sådan där stereotypisk hippie-mormor, men det funkade väldigt bra. Hon var omtänksam, smart och det kändes som att hon lärt sig mycket i sitt liv.

Det jag kan tycka sänker denna bok ganska mycket är att det är väldigt mycket vardag. Otroligt mycket karaktärsbyggnad utan att de egentligen blev så utvecklade. Inte den gamla vanliga deckaren, helt klart. 

3.75 av 5 skulpturer

/ Denise

Hatar att älska dig av Alisha Rai

Författare: Alisha Rai
Titel: Hatar att älska dig
Serie: Forbidden Hearts
Förlag: Avon/Lovereads
Genre: Contemporary Romance

Länkar: Bokus / Book Depository / Goodreads

För det första, så älskar jag detta omslag väldigt mycket mer än det svenska. Det här visar ju vilka karaktärerna är, från tatuering till kostym. Så jag använder det här, istället.

Men boken då? Okej, jag blev positivt överraskad av denna bok. Jag har dragit mig för att läsa den, för att jag inte trodde att jag skulle gilla den. Men det behövde jag inte oroa mig för. Istället för att vara en bok som endast handlade om sex och familjedispyter, fann jag en bok om första kärleken, sorg, krossad vänskap och att lära sig att acceptera sig själv.

Boken handlar alltså om? Livvy och Nicholas var ett fantastiskt par. De var upp över öronen förälskade. Sedan skedde en olycka som splittrade deras två familjer och snart fanns inte något "dom". Förutom en natt om året, då de möts någonstans i landet där Livvy bor för tillfället. De tillbringar en passionerad natt tillsammans, innan Nicholas slinker ut under natten. Men nu är Livvy tillbaka i deras hemstad och Nicholas kan inte hålla sig borta från kvinnan han fortfarande älskar.

Vad var bra med den här? Okej, så. Som läsare kan man bli en gnutta frustrerad över att se två människor som är så uppenbart förälskade och som bryr sig så mycket om varandra och de vågar inte göra något åt det. Familjen betyder mycket, men båda deras familjer är inte vad de har varit och det har gått tio år. Något måste ske! Jag gillade deras dynamik. Motsatser som dras till varandra är en av mina stora svagheter och detta är en typiskt fall - åtminstone på utsidan. På insidan är de mycket mer lika än de tror. Bra med representation av både mental ohälsa och lite HBTQ. Det känns trovärdigt och modernt. 

Detta är en väldigt, väldigt, karaktärsfokuserad berättelse. Man är mycket i deras huvud (som det ofta är med romance) och deras känslor. Visst har vi lite bakgrund - vad som har hänt, relationer som finns runt omkring och hintar om saker som kommer hända - men till största delen handlar det om Nicholas känslor för Livvy och tvärtom och deras kamp med sig själva. Är ni ute efter något sådant, önskar jag er en trevlig läsning. Jag ska ta och lyssna igenom de andra två böckerna, så jag får svar på frågorna som uppstod i första boken!

4 av 5 nakna sjöjungfrur

/ Denise